DBA Love Letter

Our relationship is so well defined...
I feel like you are my foreign key

Measurement problem

Question: If a ninja falls of the tree in the forest and there is nobody to hear that, does he make a sound ?
Answer: If ninja does anything, he does not make a sound! He is a Ninja! And if he does, it would be the last thing you ever hear.

Hug A Developer Today

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lqxORnQARw

A Romance

A boyfriend is not a firewall
It is much harder to find the correct API for oppening the needed port

.Net 4.0(beta) API

Look! I found some new useful API for you:

DateTime.WtfIsTheTimeNow()

Location.WhereTheHellAmI()

System.Evil.DestroySystem()

System.Warning.TryThisAtHome = false

Vice President

-- PHONE Ring

-- Y: Hello ?
.......
-- Y: Yes I am interested to participate
.......
-- Y: Yes, my name is %$#DS$.
.......
-- Y: Hold on please.. (silences the phone) hey , quick , what do i do in the company ?
--CEO : you are a Vice President ..
-- Y: Yes , I am a Vice President!

How to get there?

Traveller #1: הצילו, הלכתי לאיבוד!

Traveller #2: אני לא יכול לעזור לך, איבוד לא מופיע לי ב-GPS

Facebook

O: I'm tired.. I can't code anymore..
I: Go to a facebook, this might wake you up ...
O: I won't,Facebook is borring .
I: Then I will . There is a limited ammount of facebook hours, if you are not using them, I'll use yours!

Flowers in the office

HPSE#1: "The only flowers we have in the office are those that someone else brought".

HPSE#2: "We have inherited them from those who inhabited this office before us."

HPSE#1: "I think we should overload them now!"

Documentation Methology

When you forgot what your old undocumented code does, do the following:

1. Figure out or recall what that code does.
2. Put long and meaningful comments explaining what it does.
3. Feel free to forget it all over again.
   

Mind Reading API

The people in R&D have built a mind-reading API for ASP.net forms.

Only after testing is on other people, they realized the interface had to be rebuilt, since not everyone thinks like developers.

A Woman

import java.util.LinkedList;

public class Woman {
private int pleasness;
Woman()
{
pleasness = 10; // women are not pleased by default
}
//TODO: define the way of brith . there have to be a way yo make human of a woman :)
//
Woman(boolean birth)
{
if (birth)
{
int sexProbability= (int)Math.random()*1000;
if (sexProbability <500)> thisIsWhatIThinkOfYou;
return thisIsWhatIThinkOfYou;
}
private void Please()
{
pleasness=pleasness+((int)Math.random()*1000);
}
}

A Man

public class Man extends Human
{
final Object shnyaga=new Object();
private int pleasness;
public Man(int tpleasness)
{
pleasness =tpleasness;
}
public void Please()
{
pleasness ++;
}
}

This strange guy will improve your system preformance .

just let him a beer and never call him on friday morning

Error Messages

Error Messages are like Women.

You have to guess what did you do wrong.

My qoutes

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one!"; drop database system; go;--

As it seems to me, CEO's don't require food and rest. They somehow get their energy from work, wich kinda reminds me of Phoenix .

Look what I'm doing instead of playing Counter Strike or sleeping ..


Always outnumbered
Never outgunned .. just tired
-------------------------

Debugging

If you have software problems, use Visual Studio's debugger.

But for the real bugs, use Sano's K300.